Sunday, January 15, 2017
Friday, October 23, 2015
For these children we have prayed.
We will be going to court on Tuesday. 4 days. Holy cow. How did we get here, and where has October gone? I thought it fitting that before we go to court, I write a letter to the kids for them to (hopefully) read one day.
Laiken and Issak,
Our lives have been forever changed since the day you walked through our door. I remember those shy smiles and uneasy laughs so well. I cannot imagine what it felt like to have your world rocked and turned upside down, within a 5 hour window. The chaos that ensued, the fear and uncertainty that went with it. As I listened to the professionals detail why you were with us, tears streaming down my face, I could only pray that God had a reason for choosing us. We didn't know anything about parenting; we just knew that sending you to a random foster family wasn't the right choice. Here we were at 10pm after everyone left, while you sat and ate cheerios in your pjs at our kitchen table, looking at each other like, now what??
We've experienced quite the roller coaster of emotions. We've done all kinds of exciting things. New adventures to the zoo, beach, pool, trick-or-treating, birthday parties...kid stuff. Fun stuff. We've worked through the junk. Fears, anxiety, potty-training, illness, health stuff... We've cried together over the horrendous parts of your past that you've shared. But that's part of you. That's something that God will use in a mighty day later on. Every night when you're fast asleep, we take a peek in, and pray prayers that you'll remember how to be a kid, and forget all the fears and worries of your past. You are both fearfully and wonderfully made. Don't ever forget that.
I remember the first time you called us "mommy and daddy". I cried that night. We both did, actually. My heart was quite sure that you'd stay with us forever, from very early on. Your daddy knew too, but he's the more rational of us. I was ready to just take the bull by the horns and take care of the legalities after about six months. He kept wanting to wait, and at the time, I just really didn't understand. After much prayer, I knew God was doing something mighty, so I decided to just go with it, and let your daddy lead our family. God's timing is always perfect, and I know that He used that extra year we've been waiting to mold our family. We've bonded, loved, and laughed more lately than ever.
There's always a constant roller coaster of emotions. Learning how to harness your emotions in a healthy way was one of our top priorities in the beginning. You've done so well! I'm sorry to say that with our story, comes lots of chaos. Chaos of expectations from people I never thought I'd have in my life. DCS, court, therapists, health professionals...we've learned that when they call, we just drop everything for them. I cannot WAIT until we don't have that black cloud looming over us. I'm sorry for missing all of the important school events because of work and court meetings for the adoption. I'm sorry for letting you down when you wanted us to be at your class field trips and parties. I'm sorry for working most of the summer and not truly being able to just take time with you. I'm sorry that afternoons during the school week turn into you doing homework while I cook, then dinner, bath, books, and bed.
But I'm not sorry. Sort of. See, all of those life events ARE important, and it pains us to miss so many things that you want us at. But our meetings are unfortunately top priority right now. You both know we have to work, but usually those days off in-between are taken up with DCS or therapy or court or or or...the list goes on. We WANT to be there, but we're trying to finish this for good. To be able to be a forever family. Our hearts break when we see the disappointment in your faces. We can only hope and pray that one day later, you'll understand the sacrifices we're making for you.
We love you so very much, and only want the best for you. God used you two in mighty ways. We never imagined becoming parents to a 4 and 5 year old after just one year of marriage! It has been the most beautiful blessing of our lives. You've taught us so much, and our hearts have just grown bigger by the day. You see, I cannot remember what it was like BEFORE you were with us. Quieter? Calmer? Of course. A few days before you came to us, I had just written in my prayer journal, "Life is calm, we're just doing day-to-day..." Our stress then was Cheyenne kept chewing things up and I blamed your daddy for it. Well, I don't blame him as much anymore, but Cheyenne still has a way of getting into a trash can, doesn't she? Through all of this, we've learned that God had bigger plans for us than we'd ever imagined, and I know He'll use you for His kingdom too. Whenever you're scared or hurting, just hold fast to this verse, that has just resounded with me through this entire journey.
"The Lord will fight for you, you need only be still." Exodus 14:14
You see, through this entire process, we've been here, but God has been here too. He's the one that orchestrated our beautiful story, and continues to battle for us, when we can't. He's the one that gives us strength on the craziest days, when we don't think we can keep going. He's the one that brought together this village of people who are helping us raise you and love you daily. Most of all, know that we love you so much, and God does too. He can help you through anything, even when you have no idea what He has planned for your life. We cannot wait to see how you grow and learn, and are so grateful God chose us on that cold March day 18 months ago.
Love always,
Mommy and Daddy
Dear friends, please join us in prayer for our family as we forego court proceedings in a few days. We know God is working hard for us, and cannot wait to see His plan unfold. Our journey isn't over; we believe it is just beginning.
Laiken and Issak,
Our lives have been forever changed since the day you walked through our door. I remember those shy smiles and uneasy laughs so well. I cannot imagine what it felt like to have your world rocked and turned upside down, within a 5 hour window. The chaos that ensued, the fear and uncertainty that went with it. As I listened to the professionals detail why you were with us, tears streaming down my face, I could only pray that God had a reason for choosing us. We didn't know anything about parenting; we just knew that sending you to a random foster family wasn't the right choice. Here we were at 10pm after everyone left, while you sat and ate cheerios in your pjs at our kitchen table, looking at each other like, now what??
We've experienced quite the roller coaster of emotions. We've done all kinds of exciting things. New adventures to the zoo, beach, pool, trick-or-treating, birthday parties...kid stuff. Fun stuff. We've worked through the junk. Fears, anxiety, potty-training, illness, health stuff... We've cried together over the horrendous parts of your past that you've shared. But that's part of you. That's something that God will use in a mighty day later on. Every night when you're fast asleep, we take a peek in, and pray prayers that you'll remember how to be a kid, and forget all the fears and worries of your past. You are both fearfully and wonderfully made. Don't ever forget that.
I remember the first time you called us "mommy and daddy". I cried that night. We both did, actually. My heart was quite sure that you'd stay with us forever, from very early on. Your daddy knew too, but he's the more rational of us. I was ready to just take the bull by the horns and take care of the legalities after about six months. He kept wanting to wait, and at the time, I just really didn't understand. After much prayer, I knew God was doing something mighty, so I decided to just go with it, and let your daddy lead our family. God's timing is always perfect, and I know that He used that extra year we've been waiting to mold our family. We've bonded, loved, and laughed more lately than ever.
There's always a constant roller coaster of emotions. Learning how to harness your emotions in a healthy way was one of our top priorities in the beginning. You've done so well! I'm sorry to say that with our story, comes lots of chaos. Chaos of expectations from people I never thought I'd have in my life. DCS, court, therapists, health professionals...we've learned that when they call, we just drop everything for them. I cannot WAIT until we don't have that black cloud looming over us. I'm sorry for missing all of the important school events because of work and court meetings for the adoption. I'm sorry for letting you down when you wanted us to be at your class field trips and parties. I'm sorry for working most of the summer and not truly being able to just take time with you. I'm sorry that afternoons during the school week turn into you doing homework while I cook, then dinner, bath, books, and bed.
But I'm not sorry. Sort of. See, all of those life events ARE important, and it pains us to miss so many things that you want us at. But our meetings are unfortunately top priority right now. You both know we have to work, but usually those days off in-between are taken up with DCS or therapy or court or or or...the list goes on. We WANT to be there, but we're trying to finish this for good. To be able to be a forever family. Our hearts break when we see the disappointment in your faces. We can only hope and pray that one day later, you'll understand the sacrifices we're making for you.
We love you so very much, and only want the best for you. God used you two in mighty ways. We never imagined becoming parents to a 4 and 5 year old after just one year of marriage! It has been the most beautiful blessing of our lives. You've taught us so much, and our hearts have just grown bigger by the day. You see, I cannot remember what it was like BEFORE you were with us. Quieter? Calmer? Of course. A few days before you came to us, I had just written in my prayer journal, "Life is calm, we're just doing day-to-day..." Our stress then was Cheyenne kept chewing things up and I blamed your daddy for it. Well, I don't blame him as much anymore, but Cheyenne still has a way of getting into a trash can, doesn't she? Through all of this, we've learned that God had bigger plans for us than we'd ever imagined, and I know He'll use you for His kingdom too. Whenever you're scared or hurting, just hold fast to this verse, that has just resounded with me through this entire journey.
"The Lord will fight for you, you need only be still." Exodus 14:14
You see, through this entire process, we've been here, but God has been here too. He's the one that orchestrated our beautiful story, and continues to battle for us, when we can't. He's the one that gives us strength on the craziest days, when we don't think we can keep going. He's the one that brought together this village of people who are helping us raise you and love you daily. Most of all, know that we love you so much, and God does too. He can help you through anything, even when you have no idea what He has planned for your life. We cannot wait to see how you grow and learn, and are so grateful God chose us on that cold March day 18 months ago.
Love always,
Mommy and Daddy
Dear friends, please join us in prayer for our family as we forego court proceedings in a few days. We know God is working hard for us, and cannot wait to see His plan unfold. Our journey isn't over; we believe it is just beginning.
Monday, September 21, 2015
Confessions of a Harried Momma
Moms out there. Let's be real deal today. Life is HARD. It is exhausting. But its always fulfilling. Life for us lately has been a mad rush full of school, homework, dinner, sports, bathtime, bed, birthday parties...you get the picture. Its not always pretty. Somehow we rarely find time to just hang out as a family and play in the backyard. I would say, "where did summer go?" But I know where it went. There was a couple's vacation to Jamaica, lots of work, cleaning out a house, re-building a new boat, family vacation to Florida for my brother's wedding, then a stop back in Charleston, Bobcat cheerleading...you get the picture. Throw in some pool/lake time, and there you go!
During this crazy season of our lives, I feel like I'm always rethinking all of our decisions. If I'm working, then I feel like I should have more time with the kids. If I am with the kids, I feel bad that I'm not at work, helping support our family. I know you working moms feel my pain. Its difficult to balance everything. I used to feel bad that I would miss out on things at school...I'm not PTA mom. Honestly, I probably never will be. But I can send all kinds of items they need. Clorox wipes and Kleenex? I got you! Need some baked goods? Yes ma'am, I can! When I can squeeze in time to go sit with them at lunch, I of course will. It just doesn't happen often. Now that they're school age, we really work hard to accomplish chores like laundry and dishes together. We cook together; they help clean and put away laundry.
They're becoming fiercely independent. Some people probably say we're pushing them to do too much or learn too many chores, but I kind of disagree. They're at the age where they LOVE to help! Learning life skills at a young age like this is great for them. Now, I don't make them scrub toilets or bathtubs, but they can help around the house. So instead of me doing it all, I have some little helpers. Let me just tell you-Issak voluntarily went and emptied out all of the small waste baskets in the house last week, and put a new bag in. All on his own. I know he's only 5, but that was such a helpful act! I didn't even have to ask him to do it.
Eighteen months ago, I would've easily have just done everything myself, and missed out on the time spent with the kids. Now I think we just embrace that time together. So on some Saturday mornings, instead of stressing over trying to clean and keep kids busy, I just let them join the fun. We still make plenty of time for evening walks/scooter rides, but I like to think that they learn all about keeping a tidy house.
Add in all of the other crazy chaos that goes with everyday life, and you've got our family. Becoming a foster family adds extra stress, but I wouldn't have it any other way. I know that we'll eventually grow out of this extremely stressful phase. I'll probably look back and wonder how on earth I kept all of the appointments straight and still have dinner cooked by 6pm. Then I'll remember that its all because it was in God's plan, and we're just doing our best day by day. When everything heaps up and it just seems like its too much to bear, God always sends a gentle reminder that it will all be ok. I'm also reminded that these aren't OUR kids....they're God's children. Its His will for their earthly lives, and they've both decided to follow Christ, so He will carry them through. He is with them, and their sweet spirits, and we can only pray that God will give us the honor of raising them.
Thank you to everyone who has encouraged us in some way, big or small. You'd be amazed how much a kind word makes a difference. I'm not good at accepting compliments, but I've made a point to REALLY listen to them lately. To the secretary at the kids' school, who encouraged me last week by telling me how great of parents we are, thank you. To my sweet friend who let me hug on her and cry out my stress of the past week, thank you. Or what about my friend that came to check on me when I had a mini-meltdown at work last week? Thank you for telling me you've been there. Everyone, thank you for telling us its all going to be ok. Thank you most of all, for praying for our family. We're ready to just be a forever family, and have waited a good eighteen months for it. We can only pray that we finish out this month before court quickly, easily, and as stress-free as possible. Really, we've prayed this entire process would be simple and quiet, without a battle. So here we sit, hoping and waiting, for that precious day when we can tell the kids, its for real deal, our forever family day.
During this crazy season of our lives, I feel like I'm always rethinking all of our decisions. If I'm working, then I feel like I should have more time with the kids. If I am with the kids, I feel bad that I'm not at work, helping support our family. I know you working moms feel my pain. Its difficult to balance everything. I used to feel bad that I would miss out on things at school...I'm not PTA mom. Honestly, I probably never will be. But I can send all kinds of items they need. Clorox wipes and Kleenex? I got you! Need some baked goods? Yes ma'am, I can! When I can squeeze in time to go sit with them at lunch, I of course will. It just doesn't happen often. Now that they're school age, we really work hard to accomplish chores like laundry and dishes together. We cook together; they help clean and put away laundry.
They're becoming fiercely independent. Some people probably say we're pushing them to do too much or learn too many chores, but I kind of disagree. They're at the age where they LOVE to help! Learning life skills at a young age like this is great for them. Now, I don't make them scrub toilets or bathtubs, but they can help around the house. So instead of me doing it all, I have some little helpers. Let me just tell you-Issak voluntarily went and emptied out all of the small waste baskets in the house last week, and put a new bag in. All on his own. I know he's only 5, but that was such a helpful act! I didn't even have to ask him to do it.
Eighteen months ago, I would've easily have just done everything myself, and missed out on the time spent with the kids. Now I think we just embrace that time together. So on some Saturday mornings, instead of stressing over trying to clean and keep kids busy, I just let them join the fun. We still make plenty of time for evening walks/scooter rides, but I like to think that they learn all about keeping a tidy house.
Add in all of the other crazy chaos that goes with everyday life, and you've got our family. Becoming a foster family adds extra stress, but I wouldn't have it any other way. I know that we'll eventually grow out of this extremely stressful phase. I'll probably look back and wonder how on earth I kept all of the appointments straight and still have dinner cooked by 6pm. Then I'll remember that its all because it was in God's plan, and we're just doing our best day by day. When everything heaps up and it just seems like its too much to bear, God always sends a gentle reminder that it will all be ok. I'm also reminded that these aren't OUR kids....they're God's children. Its His will for their earthly lives, and they've both decided to follow Christ, so He will carry them through. He is with them, and their sweet spirits, and we can only pray that God will give us the honor of raising them.
Thank you to everyone who has encouraged us in some way, big or small. You'd be amazed how much a kind word makes a difference. I'm not good at accepting compliments, but I've made a point to REALLY listen to them lately. To the secretary at the kids' school, who encouraged me last week by telling me how great of parents we are, thank you. To my sweet friend who let me hug on her and cry out my stress of the past week, thank you. Or what about my friend that came to check on me when I had a mini-meltdown at work last week? Thank you for telling me you've been there. Everyone, thank you for telling us its all going to be ok. Thank you most of all, for praying for our family. We're ready to just be a forever family, and have waited a good eighteen months for it. We can only pray that we finish out this month before court quickly, easily, and as stress-free as possible. Really, we've prayed this entire process would be simple and quiet, without a battle. So here we sit, hoping and waiting, for that precious day when we can tell the kids, its for real deal, our forever family day.
"Have you not known? Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He does not faint or grow weary;
his understanding is unsearchable.
He gives power to the faint,
and to him who has no might he increases strength.
Even youths shall faint and be weary,
and young men shall fall exhausted;
but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings like eagles;
they shall run and not be weary;
they shall walk and not faint.
Isaiah 40:28-31
Thursday, August 13, 2015
When Life Gets Tough....
I really wanted to title this, "18 months"....but we aren't quite there yet. So, another dawn, another day. That'll be a good one though, so keep your eyes peeled! I've been kind of reflecting on the crazy ride we've been on, and just thought....why not share with the blogosphere? So here we go.
We've been quite overwhelmed lately, to say the least. I never know how to say the word, "no". So there's that. I'm beginning to think Brandon doesn't either! We get it from our parents. Between sports, work, school, etc....we're just SLAMMED. Don't get me wrong, its great! But we're still slammed. Only the craziest of crazies try to make several life changes at once. Don't believe me? Ask my good friend, Anna Morgan; she'll tell you all about it. Selling a house, buying a house, adopting kids, remodeling a house, remodeling a boat, work, family time, LIFE....
I'll admit it. We've been stressed. I'm sure I've not been super fun to be around lately. The other day, I was getting on my own nerves. How does that even happen??? But then, I decided to have some Jesus time, and there it all was....WHAM. All those passages highlighted about complaining. About Moses and the griping, cranky Israelites that were so ungrateful for God's plan and their purpose. Oops. I mean, we all complain. But I'm sure mine has been to a whole new level lately. So...out with the old, in with the new. I'm always a work in progress, but it really was a reality check.
Speaking of.....check some things off that life list.....WE SOLD OUR HOUSE!!! Praise Jesus, hallelujah!!! Not only that, but we bought a house on Friday. Oh my gracious how life has changed in the past almost-18-months.
We've been quite overwhelmed lately, to say the least. I never know how to say the word, "no". So there's that. I'm beginning to think Brandon doesn't either! We get it from our parents. Between sports, work, school, etc....we're just SLAMMED. Don't get me wrong, its great! But we're still slammed. Only the craziest of crazies try to make several life changes at once. Don't believe me? Ask my good friend, Anna Morgan; she'll tell you all about it. Selling a house, buying a house, adopting kids, remodeling a house, remodeling a boat, work, family time, LIFE....
I'll admit it. We've been stressed. I'm sure I've not been super fun to be around lately. The other day, I was getting on my own nerves. How does that even happen??? But then, I decided to have some Jesus time, and there it all was....WHAM. All those passages highlighted about complaining. About Moses and the griping, cranky Israelites that were so ungrateful for God's plan and their purpose. Oops. I mean, we all complain. But I'm sure mine has been to a whole new level lately. So...out with the old, in with the new. I'm always a work in progress, but it really was a reality check.
Speaking of.....check some things off that life list.....WE SOLD OUR HOUSE!!! Praise Jesus, hallelujah!!! Not only that, but we bought a house on Friday. Oh my gracious how life has changed in the past almost-18-months.
Saturday was Laiken's seventh birthday party. We decided to keep it very small with only her friends so we could really focus on her. She wanted Cinderella to come, so I called ole Cindy up (actually I emailed her; it is 2015 after all). Yall. It was phenomenal! I am not Pinterest mom. Let me clarify. I don't do the crafting and cutesy food and favors. I just can't. It's too hard to run a house and work and have time to focus on my babes. We kind of discussed her tea party and I thought, "why not use grandma's china?" I mean, it's sat in our cabinet for years untouched. So I ordered cute cupcakes at Scrumps and set out to make a little brunch for the girls. Oh it was just magical. We had make up and jewelry stations, then Cinderella arrived, and she was phenomenal. Neverland and Company sent Cindy with a "lady in waiting" to help out. They did everything! Read stories, crowned Laiken princess with a real tiara (gasp), and even frolicked and danced in our yard to music. Once she left, we did presents and brunch. Let me just brag a minute on the food. Someone asked where the wraps were from that I MADE. Yaya!!! Haha. We also made homemade ice cream in the ancient machine we have. Mmmmm. We had one final present for Laiken that she didn't know about. We sent her to her room to find....HER NEW BARBIE DREAMHOUSE!!! She's been asking for a dollhouse since she came to us, and our excuse before was that we didn't have room. She mentioned one last week (yikes for last minute, right???). So I went on the hunt on Facebook yard sales and Craigslist. Shout out to my friend Tammy that snagged one for me in Seymour! Yall know how much Barbie dreamhouse costs??? Try $250 at target....uhhhh no thanks. But $65 on the Craig?!? Hello used toys!! All in all, her party was fab and her besties all joined us. It was such a magical day. At one point, Brandon muttered, "ok this is too girly for me!" and had to escape. Hahaha He and I got to sneak out for a date that evening and that was just so wonderful. I cannot even remember the last time we went to dinner alone.
Issak starts kindergarten this week, so that is so exciting! He is so pumped, and I cannot wait to see how he transitions. I see a lot of people post things like, "my babies are growing much too fast! Make it stop!" But really...I'm loving every moment! I love seeing them grow and mature. The two sweet babes that came to us are not the same kids! They're happy, healthy, well-adjusted kids who love school, friends, sports, and popsicles.
So bye bye complaining, and hello looking at the bigger picture of life. I realized today that I've lumped all of my photos together in one album for 2015. At first I was like, that is wayyyy too overwhelming. But then I realized, this is so great! So whenever I get that grouchy attitude, I can look over the entire year of memories we've made. I can remember how amazing our friends and family are for supporting us. I can remember how awesome God is and how much he's blessed us for saying "yes" to the craziest decision of our lives. He is amazing, and I am so thankful He made us a family.
A few photos for the road:
Saturday, July 18, 2015
An Etiquette Lesson: How to talk to a foster/adoptive family.
I've been debating how to approach this post, and at first, I ended up just deleting the whole thing. I don't want to come off rude or arrogant, but I'm about to teach some etiquette ya'll. Its just a necessity.
I was raised with certain expectations. Eat dinner politely at the table, ask to be excused, clear your plate, etc. (I also totally took an 8 week etiquette course when I was 5 years old, and recently found out I took the class with Lindsey Horner and Ashley Griggs, which is hilarious.) BUT. All I'm saying, is my momma taught me how to say please, thank you, and use all those lovely polite sayings us southern women like to use. She also taught me how to write a proper thank you note, and I still believe in them today. My children write them often, and I think a good old fashioned thank you note via snail mail goes a long way.
Let me give you some background. I'm not a stranger to adoption. I've been subjected to my fair share of friends/family members who have adopted children from all over. In fact, my best friend and her brother were adopted internationally. So here's what I've got for ya.
I was raised with certain expectations. Eat dinner politely at the table, ask to be excused, clear your plate, etc. (I also totally took an 8 week etiquette course when I was 5 years old, and recently found out I took the class with Lindsey Horner and Ashley Griggs, which is hilarious.) BUT. All I'm saying, is my momma taught me how to say please, thank you, and use all those lovely polite sayings us southern women like to use. She also taught me how to write a proper thank you note, and I still believe in them today. My children write them often, and I think a good old fashioned thank you note via snail mail goes a long way.
Let me give you some background. I'm not a stranger to adoption. I've been subjected to my fair share of friends/family members who have adopted children from all over. In fact, my best friend and her brother were adopted internationally. So here's what I've got for ya.
Jesus loves the little children,
All the children of the world.
Red and yellow, black and white,
They are precious in His sight,
Jesus loves the little children of the world.
Jesus loves all of them. I love me some kids. We all should love them. (I'm not preaching that everyone should have kids here, I'm just saying that every child deserves to feel loved and cherished by someone.) With that, I need to say this. Does it really matter that these children aren't our biological kids? I love them like they were in my womb. I don't care that they don't look a lick like me. They look some like Brandon. (They are from his side of the family, after all). They're both beautiful and healthy; what more could we ask for? But seriously, ya'll. I can't count the times people have asked me how young I was when I had them, and why they don't look like me.
Not only is this frustrating for me, I know for a fact its confusing for my children. Other foster/adoptive parents that are my friends have gone through this, and while you think comments like the following are cute, they're not.
"Oh, they must take after their father."
"Wow! He/she looks nothing like you."
"Why do they call you by your first name sometimes? That's so odd."
"You have HOW MANY kids?!"
"So...you're FOSTERING? Does that mean you're like....on government assistance?"
"Well, don't you want, you know, some of your OWN one day?"
"Why don't you stay home with them since you have so many appointments?"
"Why don't you stay home with them since you have so many appointments?"
Not only are those comments downright rude, they hurt. Luckily we have amazing family and friends who support us, no matter what our situation is, but good grief people. Have some decency. If you know me, you know I'm an open book. I guess I just feel this post is necessary maybe so someone will read it and think to themselves, "oh, I never thought of how those comments could make the foster/adoptive parents or their kids feel when I say them." (That is if I even have readers at this point in my blog journey.)
While I'm on this, I may as well address the $$ issue everyone wonders about. Yes, we get a small, small cash benefit on an EBT card every month. Do I use it? Of course. Will it pay for an entire week's worth of groceries? Nope. Have I gone through the Kroger line to get up there and it decline so I have to whip out my debit card? Yes. Multiple times. Do I get the ugly looks from others because I'm (usually) dressed nicely and my kids are as well? Definitely. I'm in no way complaining about the allowances we're given. I think its great. Something is better than nothing. Would I trade that small benefit every month to just call these kids ours forever? Uh....duh. Of course. All I'm saying is, please don't judge me. I used to be that person that LOATHED being stuck behind the EBT users. God sure is funny. Every person's situation is different, and you have no idea what that momma in the check out line at Kroger is going through.
Now. Do I think know people misuse those government benefits? Uhhh. Yeah. Is it fair to the children? Absolutely not. Please, do not judge me or get mad that I'm digging through my purse in search of a debit card (but instead keep pulling out suckers, yo-yos, play jewelry, and dinosaurs), just know that I truly am sorry. I most certainly will always apologize to the person behind me in line. To those of you who joke with my kids or make silly faces to keep them occupied while I'm having a war with the great abyss of my purse, thank you. Thanks for not making what is already a stressful trip to the grocery, even worse.
Friends, I'd love to be a stay at home mom. See how that's struck out there? Here's why. Do I love working as much as I have lately? No. My kids LOVE going to daycare though. They love seeing their friends in the summer. Granted, I do wish I could only work like 3 days a week, but right now, that just isn't feasible. If I stayed at home, my house would be cleaner, I'd probably be tanner, and the kids would probably be on a higher reading level. On the other hand, they wouldn't get to see their friends as much, or learn about Jesus with their peers daily. We'd also still be in an 800 square foot house bursting at the seams. Gotta do what you gotta do, people. They wouldn't learn to use table manners in the cafeteria, or how to stand in line like a big boy/girl. Being a SAHM is a wonderful choice, and its great for some families. For us, we choose to both work. We truly cherish our time with the kids and as a family. It seems we have finally learned how to make our family unit function well. We make it a priority to show our kids how much they're loved, and I hope that I'm a good example of what a working mother looks like. That if you want to go work and make a living, you sure can do so. I want our daughter to be independent and goal-oriented. Both of our kids had to kind of learn what that looks like, but it is makes my heart so happy to hear them talk about what they want to be when they grow up. I see how Issak looks at Brandon when he puts his boots on and goes to work, and friends, he's taking notes inside that little head of his. He's seeing what it looks like for a man to love and support his family daily. Its just fabulous. Dream big, sweet babes, dream big. I love their ambition and passion.
Lastly, please for the love of all the ice cream in the world, stop asking us if Brandon and I will ever birth any bio kids. Right now, we are really content. (Do I want one more? Yes. I go back and forth, but eventually, one more is a possibility.) I guess my point is, that's a decision Brandon and I will make later on down the road when we're ready. I have some pretty big health concerns that go along with pregnancy, so if we do have one more, it may be adopted. What I'm saying is, sometimes when I get this question, I feel a tiny twinge of guilt that our kids we have now aren't good enough. Now. I don't believe that for one second. That's just satan getting in there, trying to make me question God's plans. But regardless, that discussion is really hurtful to us. I'm pretty sure its safe for both of us to say to everyone, "Maybe we're done, maybe this is it." Please do not constantly badger us about bios, because really, we may not have any, and that's ok with us.
Now, I hope that this hasn't offended anyone, but ya'll. Please just remember to treat others how you want to be treated. Before something escapes your mouth, think about the effect it will have on not only the adults, but also the kids. If you're an outsider, meeting a foster/adoptive family for the first time, know that their family dynamics will probably be different. The children may not call the adults "mom and dad". In fact, half the time, we're "mom and dad" and the other half, we're "Brandon and Kira". Maybe that will change one day, maybe not. What I'm saying is, we don't care. So please, don't make a big deal out of something that is a non-issue to us.
Remember when you see that tired looking momma in the check out line, that she is a person. She can hear your whispers and feel your stares. She really probably just wants some sweet words. A little kindness goes a long way. If her children don't look like her, its not a big deal in the grand scheme of things. Just remember that her kids need love just like any other kids, and she's doing an amazing job.
Thursday, July 2, 2015
This Little Light of Mine
Last night, I got some news that I knew was inevitable, but nothing could have prepared me for it. Really, writing this post, I have no idea where to start. Maybe I should just start at the beginning.
If you know me, you know I can't sit still. I always have to be doing something. So once we had been married awhile, I had a change in jobs and had gotten a little....bored. Not bored with my husband, but bored because I love kids and my new job didn't allow me to be around them 24/7. I needed some dance parties and Dollywood trips in my life.
So. To cure the boredom, I decided to sign up for the Big Brother Big Sister of Knoxville program. Its a mentoring program for underpriveleged kids who need an adult mentor to just lean on and love on them. It took a little bit, but I got matched. It took no time for us to hit it off, and before I knew it, we were spending practically every weekend together. This sounds crazy, I'm sure, but seriously. We were like family. I think it can be said that I love others fiercely. Love has no boundaries when it comes to me and kids. I just love 'em.
So we did everything kids love. We did Dollywood. Train rides. Dog park. (She knew Cheyenne from when we first got her as a puppy and got to see her grow up.) Jump Jam. Pool. Jewelry making night. Movies. River time in the Smoky Mountains. Chick-Fil-A. Skate Town. Cookouts at my house. The list goes on. More than that though, we bonded. We knew everything about each other. She learned her ABC's in sign language to practice spelling words. Spelling was not her favorite, and by 6 months in, she was calling me to tell me she had aced her spelling tests. Math is her favorite subject, and somehow, no matter how many different schools she attended in a year, she still managed to have fantastic grades. After a few months, I introduced her to Brandon, and they hit it off too. He likes to dish out the silly and sarcasm, and oh how she could give it right back to him. Listening to them was always entertaining.
Fast forward to last year when we got the kids. My oh my, how they hit it off! We spent many summer afternoons at the pool and park hanging out. My kids love her. She is so patient with them. Just last weekend, she was running around my house like she owned the place, having a Nerf gun war.
Unfortunately, most of the kids in the BBBS program don't have an entirely stable home situation. Remember, I love fiercely though, and just wanted to show some Jesus to this girl. I wanted to show her there was more to life than chaos and an unpredictable home life. Well. I hope in the two years that we were matched, I did that. I am so broken hearted to say that Haley has moved away. To a different state, fairly far away. I knew it would happen eventually, but I thought I would get a proper good-bye. I didn't, but that doesn't really diminish my relationship with her. I know that she knows I love her, and will miss her like crazy. I can only pray that she and her siblings are well cared for in a loving, safe environment. Maybe we'll see each other again someday. Maybe not. You just never know. Until then, I will send her mail and silly photos the kids draw often, and pray for her daily.
When we got our kids, I had friends tell me, "Maybe this is what BBBS has prepared you for. Real-deal, everyday motherhood. Maybe seeing Haley, and her life, has empowered you to love more babies that you didn't birth." I have to say. God's plans are crazy. I mean, I can see that connection. God did show me how to open my heart and welcome a child who needed some love and attention, even though they weren't mine. (Although, at this point, I would call Haley a member of my family.) My extended family knew her, friends knew her....she hung out with us on a weekly basis. I guess what I'm saying is, God's plans are so much bigger than ours. I hope and pray that I was a light to her, showing her Jesus and how much He loves all of us here. After all of this we've been through, all I can think of is this Sunday School song:
If you know me, you know I can't sit still. I always have to be doing something. So once we had been married awhile, I had a change in jobs and had gotten a little....bored. Not bored with my husband, but bored because I love kids and my new job didn't allow me to be around them 24/7. I needed some dance parties and Dollywood trips in my life.
So. To cure the boredom, I decided to sign up for the Big Brother Big Sister of Knoxville program. Its a mentoring program for underpriveleged kids who need an adult mentor to just lean on and love on them. It took a little bit, but I got matched. It took no time for us to hit it off, and before I knew it, we were spending practically every weekend together. This sounds crazy, I'm sure, but seriously. We were like family. I think it can be said that I love others fiercely. Love has no boundaries when it comes to me and kids. I just love 'em.
So we did everything kids love. We did Dollywood. Train rides. Dog park. (She knew Cheyenne from when we first got her as a puppy and got to see her grow up.) Jump Jam. Pool. Jewelry making night. Movies. River time in the Smoky Mountains. Chick-Fil-A. Skate Town. Cookouts at my house. The list goes on. More than that though, we bonded. We knew everything about each other. She learned her ABC's in sign language to practice spelling words. Spelling was not her favorite, and by 6 months in, she was calling me to tell me she had aced her spelling tests. Math is her favorite subject, and somehow, no matter how many different schools she attended in a year, she still managed to have fantastic grades. After a few months, I introduced her to Brandon, and they hit it off too. He likes to dish out the silly and sarcasm, and oh how she could give it right back to him. Listening to them was always entertaining.
Fast forward to last year when we got the kids. My oh my, how they hit it off! We spent many summer afternoons at the pool and park hanging out. My kids love her. She is so patient with them. Just last weekend, she was running around my house like she owned the place, having a Nerf gun war.
Unfortunately, most of the kids in the BBBS program don't have an entirely stable home situation. Remember, I love fiercely though, and just wanted to show some Jesus to this girl. I wanted to show her there was more to life than chaos and an unpredictable home life. Well. I hope in the two years that we were matched, I did that. I am so broken hearted to say that Haley has moved away. To a different state, fairly far away. I knew it would happen eventually, but I thought I would get a proper good-bye. I didn't, but that doesn't really diminish my relationship with her. I know that she knows I love her, and will miss her like crazy. I can only pray that she and her siblings are well cared for in a loving, safe environment. Maybe we'll see each other again someday. Maybe not. You just never know. Until then, I will send her mail and silly photos the kids draw often, and pray for her daily.
When we got our kids, I had friends tell me, "Maybe this is what BBBS has prepared you for. Real-deal, everyday motherhood. Maybe seeing Haley, and her life, has empowered you to love more babies that you didn't birth." I have to say. God's plans are crazy. I mean, I can see that connection. God did show me how to open my heart and welcome a child who needed some love and attention, even though they weren't mine. (Although, at this point, I would call Haley a member of my family.) My extended family knew her, friends knew her....she hung out with us on a weekly basis. I guess what I'm saying is, God's plans are so much bigger than ours. I hope and pray that I was a light to her, showing her Jesus and how much He loves all of us here. After all of this we've been through, all I can think of is this Sunday School song:
This little light of mine,
I'm gonna let it shine,
This little light of mine,
I'm gonna let it shine,
This little light of mine,
I'm gonna let it shine,
Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine.
Hide it under a bushel, NO!
I'm gonna let it shine,
Hide it under a bushel, NO!
I'm gonna let it shine,
Hide it under a busel, NO!
I'm gonna let it shine, let it shine, let it shine, let it shine.
Don't let Satan blow it out,
I'm gonna let it shine,
Don't let Satan blow it out,
I'm gonna let it shine.
Don't let Satan blow it out,
I'm gonna let it shine,
I'm gonna let it shine,
Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine.
Let it shine til Jesus comes,
I'm gonna let it shine,
Let it shine til Jesus comes,
I'm gonna let it shine,
Let it shine til Jesus comes,
I'm gonna let it shine,
Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine.
Friends, today I really have to dig deep to find that strength to carry on. I woke up not even wanting to face the day. If I could've just pulled the covers up to hide under them in bed all day, I would've. But the fact of the matter is, no matter how dim my light is today, its still gotta shine. I've got babes to love on and care for, and a job that is calling my name.
Do I regret loving so fiercely? Absolutely not. Will I miss my girl? Every day. Will it break my heart to tell the kids? Definitely. But we must press on. We'll pray for her daily, and trust that she's being cared for well.
Monday, June 22, 2015
Belated Father's Day
Life is always hectic and busy for us...sooooo what have we been up to?
We went to court in May. We had a small victory, but still have to go back. We were going to go again a few weeks ago, but it got pushed to October. So, prayers my friends, prayers. I know we have a TON of prayer warriors out there, so know that we love each and every one of you for the prayers, support, and encouragement. Its been a long, tired road, but I'm just thankful that we've got a new court date. And I'm promising myself to not wish away the months until October. Because I've done that a little bit lately with our May and June court dates, and wishing days away is just no way to live. Until October rolls around, we're just going to enjoy life and enjoy our family together.
Brandon and I went to Jamaica for a dear friend's wedding. Oh my gosh ya'll. Such a fun, crazy time! We love our kids, but this is the first break we've had that lasted more than 48 hours. I just felt like we could really focus on ourselves, our marriage, and friendships while we were away.
We got back and hey....Laiken got to have her tonsils and adenoids removed. Along with a new set of tubes for her ears! Not really the greatest way to start summer, but I say go big or go home, right? 4 rounds of strep within like 7 weeks REALLY sucked during spring, and now she doesn't snore, so its a win-win for us all! 10 days of no strenuous activity almost put us in the crazy house.
You know what's even crazier?? As soon as Laiken was back to 100%, the dog got sick! And I'm not talking, "oh she just threw up half of a tennis ball" sick. I'm talking, she couldn't eat or drink and keep it down for over 24 hours. So that was fun. Somehow though, only my dog chooses to act completely normal at the vet. Literally, we pull up, and there she goes throwing up outside, but as soon as we walk in for a check-up, she wants to play with every dog in there, and is like so excited to see her vet friends. What in the world??? Long story short....a few x-rays, IV fluids, Rx's, and specialty food later, she made it through. Don't you dare think in your brain, "oh poor Cheyenne...". I think she's making this a yearly tradition. At least this time we weren't stuck at the emergency vet until midnight. This all happens because she likes to dig through the trash.
My brother is getting married in a month, and we are SO excited to celebrate with him and Kayley! We haven't all been on a BIG family vacation with my side of the family since I was a little girl, so saddle up friends, its gonna be fun!!! Hopefully we aren't all too overwhelming for my sweet husband. The kids are PUMPED about the wedding, and teaching them their jobs as flower girl and ring bearer have been quite funny to watch.
And now, for the REAL reason for this post. Father's Day. And our 3 year anniversary. Kind of all wrapped up into one blog.
Let's start with my daddy. He's the best, ya'll. Even more than that, he's the best Grumpy to my kids. He loves my babes, and they love him. He gives them scooter rides around just because. He probably sneaks them more candy than I'll ever know. He colors with them. He laughs with them. He loves on them. He always taught me to be myself, and stand up for my values. He showed me how a husband should love his wife, and that he should work hard to provide for his family. I cannot ever remember a time where he wasn't present. He came all the way back from a long business trip just to make senior night when I was a cheerleader in high school. I'll never forget that. Another thing I'll never forget is the letter he wrote on my wedding day. Unfortunately, he was so ill that he couldn't attend, but ole Kerry wouldn't ever miss something just because he wasn't there! I was going to try to type it up, but friends, my brother Jared just talks wayyyy too fast. I may be an interpreter, but I ain't no transcriptionist! Put it this way-there wasn't a dry eye after that letter was read!
Then there's my father-in-law, Doug. Ya'll. He's hilarious. He learned how to do the Dougie just for our wedding and performed! He loves God, and loves his family. He'd do anything to help someone in need. He is always looking to make everyone feel included and have a good time. I can't count how many vacations, lake trips, and Dollywood trips we've made together. When Brandon and I were dating, Doug and I used to go on Cracker Barrell dates often. He is a good man. It is completely obvious that he taught his sons how to love their families and provide for them. What most people may not know about Doug is that he is a mentor. I cannot tell you how many sports teams he's coached through the years, or how many kids in need he has helped. I am here to tell you-boys need a positive role model! And he has definitely done that. We still have friends who call Doug family because of his positive influence in their lives. I am so grateful and blessed to have him as a father-in-law. I am certain that my kids love having him as "Pa", as my niece calls him.
Brandon has been amazing since day one. Marriage has taught us how to live together, and what's really important in life. Parenthood has been a whole different ballgame. I was thinking today, how when I got that call that changed my life forever, Brandon was so calm! He just called and was like, "so hey, there's some kids we need to keep a little bit, ok?" Don't get me wrong here, but usually the males are the ones who are a little freaked out by having kids when they're not their biological children. Not my husband. He just picked up and started fatherhood like nobody's business. And let me tell you something. Nothing gives me more joy than to hear him giggle with the kids. I can't tell you how many trips to "the man store" (Lowe's) he and Issak have gone on. Laiken loves when he brushes her hair. He's let her paint his toenails pink. (Sorry babe! Your secret is out!) She's currently begging for a "daddy daughter date night" ASAP. Issak wants to change his name to Brandon most days. He likes to pretend he's working on the house, "just like dad." Brandon has shown both of our kids how a man should love his family and his wife. He's shown them how to respect others, and how to gain respect in return.
What I really love about all of the men in my life, is this thing they have in common. They've all filled some sort of mentor roles. Dad and Doug were sports coaches and RA's leaders in church growing up. All three of these sweet men love Jesus. Brandon has made the choice to open his heart to children who needed a forever family. So to every father on Father's Day, whether you're a mentor, a father, an adoptive father, a foster father, whatever you are... If you're making a difference in a child's life, thank you. Thank you for showing them what life can be like when good choices are made. Thank you for showing them what a good work ethic looks like. Thank you for teaching them how to drive. Thank you for being the goofy, embarrassing dad. Thank you for being you, and for loving a child unconditionally just as Christ loves us.
I love the men in my life, and am so thankful they are all so wonderful. Happy Father's Day, ya'll!
We went to court in May. We had a small victory, but still have to go back. We were going to go again a few weeks ago, but it got pushed to October. So, prayers my friends, prayers. I know we have a TON of prayer warriors out there, so know that we love each and every one of you for the prayers, support, and encouragement. Its been a long, tired road, but I'm just thankful that we've got a new court date. And I'm promising myself to not wish away the months until October. Because I've done that a little bit lately with our May and June court dates, and wishing days away is just no way to live. Until October rolls around, we're just going to enjoy life and enjoy our family together.
Brandon and I went to Jamaica for a dear friend's wedding. Oh my gosh ya'll. Such a fun, crazy time! We love our kids, but this is the first break we've had that lasted more than 48 hours. I just felt like we could really focus on ourselves, our marriage, and friendships while we were away.
We got back and hey....Laiken got to have her tonsils and adenoids removed. Along with a new set of tubes for her ears! Not really the greatest way to start summer, but I say go big or go home, right? 4 rounds of strep within like 7 weeks REALLY sucked during spring, and now she doesn't snore, so its a win-win for us all! 10 days of no strenuous activity almost put us in the crazy house.
You know what's even crazier?? As soon as Laiken was back to 100%, the dog got sick! And I'm not talking, "oh she just threw up half of a tennis ball" sick. I'm talking, she couldn't eat or drink and keep it down for over 24 hours. So that was fun. Somehow though, only my dog chooses to act completely normal at the vet. Literally, we pull up, and there she goes throwing up outside, but as soon as we walk in for a check-up, she wants to play with every dog in there, and is like so excited to see her vet friends. What in the world??? Long story short....a few x-rays, IV fluids, Rx's, and specialty food later, she made it through. Don't you dare think in your brain, "oh poor Cheyenne...". I think she's making this a yearly tradition. At least this time we weren't stuck at the emergency vet until midnight. This all happens because she likes to dig through the trash.
My brother is getting married in a month, and we are SO excited to celebrate with him and Kayley! We haven't all been on a BIG family vacation with my side of the family since I was a little girl, so saddle up friends, its gonna be fun!!! Hopefully we aren't all too overwhelming for my sweet husband. The kids are PUMPED about the wedding, and teaching them their jobs as flower girl and ring bearer have been quite funny to watch.
And now, for the REAL reason for this post. Father's Day. And our 3 year anniversary. Kind of all wrapped up into one blog.
Let's start with my daddy. He's the best, ya'll. Even more than that, he's the best Grumpy to my kids. He loves my babes, and they love him. He gives them scooter rides around just because. He probably sneaks them more candy than I'll ever know. He colors with them. He laughs with them. He loves on them. He always taught me to be myself, and stand up for my values. He showed me how a husband should love his wife, and that he should work hard to provide for his family. I cannot ever remember a time where he wasn't present. He came all the way back from a long business trip just to make senior night when I was a cheerleader in high school. I'll never forget that. Another thing I'll never forget is the letter he wrote on my wedding day. Unfortunately, he was so ill that he couldn't attend, but ole Kerry wouldn't ever miss something just because he wasn't there! I was going to try to type it up, but friends, my brother Jared just talks wayyyy too fast. I may be an interpreter, but I ain't no transcriptionist! Put it this way-there wasn't a dry eye after that letter was read!
Then there's my father-in-law, Doug. Ya'll. He's hilarious. He learned how to do the Dougie just for our wedding and performed! He loves God, and loves his family. He'd do anything to help someone in need. He is always looking to make everyone feel included and have a good time. I can't count how many vacations, lake trips, and Dollywood trips we've made together. When Brandon and I were dating, Doug and I used to go on Cracker Barrell dates often. He is a good man. It is completely obvious that he taught his sons how to love their families and provide for them. What most people may not know about Doug is that he is a mentor. I cannot tell you how many sports teams he's coached through the years, or how many kids in need he has helped. I am here to tell you-boys need a positive role model! And he has definitely done that. We still have friends who call Doug family because of his positive influence in their lives. I am so grateful and blessed to have him as a father-in-law. I am certain that my kids love having him as "Pa", as my niece calls him.
Brandon has been amazing since day one. Marriage has taught us how to live together, and what's really important in life. Parenthood has been a whole different ballgame. I was thinking today, how when I got that call that changed my life forever, Brandon was so calm! He just called and was like, "so hey, there's some kids we need to keep a little bit, ok?" Don't get me wrong here, but usually the males are the ones who are a little freaked out by having kids when they're not their biological children. Not my husband. He just picked up and started fatherhood like nobody's business. And let me tell you something. Nothing gives me more joy than to hear him giggle with the kids. I can't tell you how many trips to "the man store" (Lowe's) he and Issak have gone on. Laiken loves when he brushes her hair. He's let her paint his toenails pink. (Sorry babe! Your secret is out!) She's currently begging for a "daddy daughter date night" ASAP. Issak wants to change his name to Brandon most days. He likes to pretend he's working on the house, "just like dad." Brandon has shown both of our kids how a man should love his family and his wife. He's shown them how to respect others, and how to gain respect in return.
What I really love about all of the men in my life, is this thing they have in common. They've all filled some sort of mentor roles. Dad and Doug were sports coaches and RA's leaders in church growing up. All three of these sweet men love Jesus. Brandon has made the choice to open his heart to children who needed a forever family. So to every father on Father's Day, whether you're a mentor, a father, an adoptive father, a foster father, whatever you are... If you're making a difference in a child's life, thank you. Thank you for showing them what life can be like when good choices are made. Thank you for showing them what a good work ethic looks like. Thank you for teaching them how to drive. Thank you for being the goofy, embarrassing dad. Thank you for being you, and for loving a child unconditionally just as Christ loves us.
I love the men in my life, and am so thankful they are all so wonderful. Happy Father's Day, ya'll!
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