One Year.

Hello to all my people! You've probably been wondering....whatever happened to our most favorite blogger, Momma Kira?? Well, we've been a busy ole crew. Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years flew right by us. Then there was Issak's 5th birthday party at the treehouse. Party, people. Boy parties are so fun. Then there was Valentine's Day. I think I explained what a valentine card was 45651 times and Issak STILL wanted to keep all the batman's to himself. haha. They've been spoiled way too much, but hey, they're only kids once. As long as they don't act like spoiled brats, whatevs. BUT. I won't be raising spoiled, rotten, bratty kids. So. Its a balance. And if you see my kid looking or acting like a brat, holla. We don't do the sass.

We did snow days. We did snow weeks. It was a blast. By the end of 2 weeks off of regular school, complete cabin fever had ensued. I am so thankful for those two weeks though. Although at times, my patience was dwindling to nothing, it gave us time to bond as a family. We get family time on the weekends, but week nights are hard. To all you working parents, I respect you so much. Its hard to work a full day, get kids, give them the attention they need while you cook dinner and they do homework, then do baths and bed. Our week nights seem so chaotic, so those 2 weeks of snow days were gifts. We got to have so much fun with friends and family sledding, snow boarding, and being wild in the four wheeler/rock crawler. I'm sure there are pics somewhere...I'll try to add a few after this post. Make sure you watch the video on facebook of sledding.  Unfortunately, Brandon probably broke his tailbone on the first snow day.  Not to worry, he still joined the fun the remainder of the two weeks and even built a crazy snow fort.   "Awesome Lawson genes", he says.  I say its boys that go stir crazy and want to ride on the work equipment.

Today marks one year that we've had the kids. One whole year. I still remember sitting at work and getting the 15 missed calls, then my friend Martha telling me that her husband said I needed to call Brandon ASAP. When I got the news, I was stunned. "I'm going to be a mom? Of two toddlers? They're coming tonight? Like...in 2 hours?!" I think I felt shock, fear, and complete disbelief all in the matter of seconds. I know for a fact that I sat there with dear co-workers and just cried. Like...what in the world have we gotten ourselves into?  I immediately chatted Julie on gchat, and was like....uhhhh....so I'm gonna be a mom tonight??  I remember calling Lindsey on the way home and being like....oh my gosh, you won't believe this. I remember all the kind words that people gave. I am still in awe of how God provided and made every single detail fall into place. Our extra bedroom that was storage, instantly was cleaned out by some of the most precious boys men that I know. Clothes and toys were donated from all over, and we somehow had camp outs with the kids in the living room until DCS purchased bunk beds for us. My mother-in-law and her mom decorated the kids' room so they would feel like they had a place of their own.  We got the news that we wouldn't qualify for any foster care funds, but that we could get a small grant so the kids could keep their own health insurance. People sent us money. People I haven't seen or talked to in a very long time. People who were compassionate and prayed for and over us even though we had no idea what this journey would hold for us.  Really, it was such a humbling experience.  People babysat while we figured out preschool.  Co-workers helped me figure out balancing work and motherhood.  Friends came to visit and showed the kids that we really all cared for them.  Most of all:  everyone loved on them.

We started this adventure as a temporary fix to help some people change their lives for the better. God had other plans though. The more we learned and worked through things at home, the more I knew in my heart that I couldn't ever let these children go. I wanted them to be mine. Forever. I distinctly prayed over them often, asking God to make it easy if His plan was for us to keep them. I asked that His plan would be obvious. By June 2014, we knew. We shared with close friends and family, but couldn't let much more info slip out.

I felt like by November/December, our lives became a big secret. Some of you knew what hell we were living, others may have been clueless. Let me tell you something. I am so thankful for everyone who has loved on us over the holidays, whether you knew what we were enduring or not.  Holidays are supposed to be a blast, especially with kids. But. We were dealing with junk. Stuff. Nightmares. Accidents. Trust issues.  I was even having nightmares, and they were horrific. It is absolutely horrible to not feel safe, and I am so thankful that we are past that. I can only imagine how scary this entire process has been for the kids. The winter season has been so, so difficult. There are days that I have called/texted friends pouring my heart out in tears. Other times, I just sat and cried at Bible study because I couldn't even talk. Some days I just sat and told God I didn't even know what to say, because I was so overwhelmed. I felt like we were in survival mode. One day at a time, one step forward.

So here we are, and its one year later. We were in the car running errands this morning, and Laiken and I had a little convo that went something like this:

Laiken: "So, I've thought about where I want to live...like forever. Like, with my old mom and dad, or you guys. And I had a dream about it too."
Me: "I'd love to hear about it."
Laiken: "I want to live with you guys forever."

There was more, but I'll let her tell you one day if she wants to. Our kids have quite the story, and one day, if they want to share, that's their deal. But ya'll. We never talk about where they want to live. We always tell them they will be loved here and we'll take care of them, but that's it. She just randomly told me all about her dream, which I truly believe was from God. And after that, she'd made her mind up. She is so matter-of-fact, and I love her for that. For a moment, I couldn't even talk because I was crying. Of course, Issak piped in and said, "Well I want to live here too!" So I had to tell him we couldn't leave him high and dry, now could we?

We had a huge cookout today in their honor.  Because we've been a family for one year. One whole year. Issak kept telling all of the employees at Sam's Club this morning that we were having a cookout, then Laiken would ask if they were coming to it.  hahaha I love them.  It was a blast. We had about 30 friends and family come to visit, play in the bounce house, and devour cupcakes with us. We are so blessed. To everyone who came: thank you so much. Thank you for loving our babies and showing them what life is about. Thank you for being Jesus to them and showing them what childhood is. They love each and every one of you, and they pray for you often at bedtime.

Last month, we filed some very important paperwork, and will go to court in May. Our hope and prayer is to adopt these children. (**Disclaimer: We haven't explained adoption to the kids, and wish to NOT tell them until after our court date in May. Please don't mention this in front of them, as we will need to speak with some professionals before we as a family have that discussion.**) We hope that you will join us in praying about this, that God's plan will prevail. He is mighty, and He will take care of us. Also, our girl told us that she asked Jesus into her heart. She wants to be baptized soon, so we're working on that as well. To everyone that has done anything for us, no matter how big or small, thank you. We ask now that you think of us/pray for us during this spring season. Easter is all about new life and new beginnings, and I cannot wait to share it with our babies again. This will be our second Easter, but this one will be far different than the last.

And now, some pics! Enjoy!

Brandon and I had a weekend getaway with friends last weekend.  So. nice.

Love this sweet girl.  Happy belated birthday, Linds!

Party people!!!

Brandon joined the bounce party.

 

 

These two.  Oh how I love them so much!!

 

Leslee and Aunt Em

We kicked all the boys out for bounce time.  Well worth it!

Hopefully Chelsey doesn't kill me for this.  hahahaha its priceless!

 

 

Girl party!

 

 

At this point, I think he was delirious.  Or his brain was all shook up.

 

Not to worry, Laiken and Leslee kept those boys in line.

 

I love these girls.  So thankful for them.

 

Holler if you want a play date!  We're usually around! 

Undefeated.

We've cheered a long, hard season. We pulled out a perfect season, until yesterday. It was first round of playoffs, and an expected win. We played the number four seed team and went into overtime. Somehow, we just didn't pull through. Not only did we lose, but it kicked us out of the championship game. Devastating. I am a very competitive person, so losing really wasn't fun. I'll just say it. It sucked. None of us were pleased about the outcome of the game. So, our undefeated streak came to an end. We had a wonderful season of cheering on our bobcats and I am so blessed to have coached the girls. 

As I was driving home from the game, I just stopped to think about life. Sometimes life sucks. Sometimes you come to a valley that you just have no clue how to dig your way out of it. Sometimes, you don't even know how or what to pray when you sit down to talk to God.  Several friends/family members have either become very sick or even died recently and I've had to think "God, why them?"  This is just part of his plan though, and I have to trust in His perfect will.  Not only that, but we've been dealing with some junk at our house recently.  You know, the stuff no one wants to post on Facebook because it isn't pretty. It would mean we weren't living the perfect lives. Like the time Laiken was struggling to complete work at school. Or the day I was just mad at the world because I had to do laundry. Or the time I scheduled family pictures without asking my husband. Oops. Reality check:  no one is perfect. No person's life is 100% drama and stress free. Ever. If you think yours is, I'm glad you are so positive and I'm not trying to be negative nancy, but let's be more honest with ourselves and our friends. Here's what I'll tell ya. We may feel defeated, but God will get us through it. With his grace and mercy, we are able to press on.  He will fight for us when we commit to following his perfect will. 

Guess what else comes when we commit to his crazy plans?  

Peace. 

Something I long for often. Peace that we are doing the right thing. Peace that we are showing these babes what a family is. Peace that they're developing and growing in every aspect, especially emotionally. Peace that they will be able to feel loved, yet not feel guilty for loving us. Peace that comes with seeing Jesus and learning about his love for them, even when they're naughty. Peace that Jesus made them special, and that red hair and freckles are beautiful, not ugly. Peace that even when we show our anger through hitting, Jesus forgives and we can have a do-over.  Peace that everything will be alright, no matter what God's plan is for our family's future. 

I am so thankful for a forgiving and graceful God. I'm also glad for a just God. He will fight for us no matter what. Because if God is for us, who can be against us?   Some days, I just need to remember that and pray for wisdom to follow His plan. And then the anxiety is washed away by an overwhelming sense of calm. He will calm the storms, no matter what it is. So if you have "junk", guess what?  We are all right in there with ya. Chances are, if we haven't gone through it, someone we know has. So love each other and build each other up. I cannot express how much a small word of encouragement can boost our confidence that we are being obedient to God's will. 

We took family pics on Saturday. I figured, we've been together 7 months, why not?  We are a family and continue to plan on being one, so let's make some memories. This was a first, and the kiddos really had lots of fun with it.  It was also a great way to boost our girl's confidence. No six year old should wish she had different hair or skin. So we are on a mission to change her opinion of herself. If you see her, pay her a compliment on those freckles or that strawberry blonde hair. Thanks in advance. I'm also very proud to announce that in a week, Brandon has already lost almost ten pounds. YALL.  Who is he?!?  I am so proud of him for working on this to be a better dad and healthier husband. 

Until next time, it sounds like Laiken has her heart set on dance or tumbling in her spare time. Issak is almost old enough for his own activity, and I know he can't wait to start some kind of sport. Halloween is this week and it will be frighteningly fun!  We've got lots of fun activities in store and I cannot wait to trick or treat!  Also, go "boo" a neighbor with a treat bag. Then it's their turn to "boo" someone else on the block.  Holla for new traditions. Oh, and Christmas is around the corner. Seriously. I've already started shopping for the kiddos. It's not about the gifts, but I'm more excited to share our traditions with them. Thanksgiving is gonna be FAB-U-LOUS!

A few pics for the road. 

Cheer cuties

Laiken and Connor at homecoming. 

We sure flattened the Falcons, but this week, the Panthers prevailed. 

Date day with friends in the mountains. 

Pumpkin carving was a first. 

Halloween masks. 

Double trouble 

After-park treat. 

The Creamery never gets old. 

The latest must-have. Cheetah fake glasses. Everyone's sporting them. 

Go "boo" a neighbor!  Whether they have kids or not!

Parenting:the raw truth.

Parenting isn't always fun. There. I said it. I think for most parents, this isn't a new thing. But for me, it is. I'm going to be blunt and honest, so if you don't want to read the facts, then I just suggest you stop reading now. I think some people like to put on a facade that parenting/fostering/adoption is just all fun all the time. Well, it's not. It's hard to believe that six months ago, two little children were dropped off at our house and we embarked on our greatest adventure yet. Parenting. 

In six months, we've learned all kinds of things. Letters, numbers, colors, animals, words, coloring, potty rules, manners, the list goes on. Laiken and Issak have each grown almost three sizes in clothing. We've learned about everyone's personalities. Brandon is the peacemaker and funny guy, I tend to be the stricter one, Issak is the silly and lovable hugging buddy, while Laiken is gaining an entire new personality. She's gone from "momma bird" as they named her at her old preschool to a sweet, witty, clever young girl. We've learned even more about depending on each other as spouses than I think we've ever had to. My love for Brandon has grown even more than I ever imagined. I'm sure that our faith has grown immensely through everything we've seen, experienced, and learned from the kids' former lives. God is so good to take care of us and I'm sure that we are following His plan for our family. 

But it's still hard. It's hard to hear the old stories about the "old house" and "old mom and dad". It's tough to relive their heartache and trauma every time they want to talk about it. Honestly, it breaks my heart. Not much surprises us anymore. I hate that Brandon and I have become so jaded. Our two kids have experienced more life than a grown adult in their short childhood. And it breaks my heart. Tonight I laid in bed with Laiken until she fell asleep and just cried and prayed over her. I prayed about how she must feel in such a new surrounding. She knows she's got a different family situation; she's not in the dark at all. Issak is figuring it out too. He told his pre-k teacher the other day, "well, my daddy is actually my uncle."  They have so many little thoughts running through their brains daily, and I wish I could just take all of the pain, worry, trauma, and grief away. But I can't.  My heart is broken. 

So we pray. We pray for renewed strength in our time of trouble. We teach the kids that Jesus loves us no matter what and we promise to love them forever. We pray for energy even on the longest, most exhausting days. We pray for wisdom and patience when we've heard "Momma/Aunt Kira" one time too many.  We pray that whatever emotional trauma has occurred, we can heal with bonding and love. Mostly, we pray that the kids will see Jesus through us and know how much He and we love them. 

Six months. I cannot believe it. We don't have a six month old baby, we have a four and six year old!  We know God has big plans for our family, so we wait and pray for His wisdom. Until the next move, we will be loving on kids and showing them what life is all about. The latest craze is Halloween. Heyyy if anyone wants to go trick-or-treat together, holla!  We'll have Elsa and Batman with us. This will be a new adventure for them.  They're stoked!  Until next time, please join us in praying for the kids and God's plan for our lives. We love you all and you know where we are if you ever want to come join our wild crazy house for dinner!  

Six months ago!  Our first night together. 

Around one month into fatherhood. 

2 months

3 months

4 months 

5 months

6 months

A few more recent ones for the road!

The boys cheering on Laiken and the bobcats 

Chloe and Laiken. Besties!

Laiken as flyer with the big girls at CHS cheer clinic. 

Kate and Laiken. She just looks up to her so much!

One of our besties got married last weekend too. Here are a few pics from Jessica's wedding!  It was gorgeous and she was a beautiful bride. Congrats again to the newly weds!

Rehearsal dinner fun!

Blurry, but I love these ladies!

Love this girl!

Three amigos. Love these two!

I was so blessed that these two made it to the wedding. Love them!

These girls make my life complete. I love them all so much!

The last few pics are from the photo booth. Hahaha. I haven't laughed so hard in a looooong time!  Enjoy!