"You're my new mommy, ok?"

Warning:  This post is about my sweet babes. So if you're sick of hearing about the children, just stop reading. I'm becoming THAT mom, who talks about her kids non-stop. This is our new life though, so this is what is consuming us.  I enjoy updating the world about our new adventures. 

We've been up to all kinds of things lately.  Trips to Dollywood, the pool, lake, mountains, you name it. It's always fun to watch the kids' expressions when they have a new experience. Part of me is a little sad that it took this long for them to enjoy something as simple as going to a movie theater, but I have learned that I can't dwell on their past. We are just moving forward and loving these babes as much as possible everyday. We cannot give enough hugs, kisses, and "I love you"s to make up for lost time. But we can try. 

I have friends doing all kinds of things with their lives. Some are working on their careers.  Others are just married or will be married in a few short months.  One of my college buddies actually adopted a 14 year old recently, and now she, her husband, and son are serving as missionaries in Costa Rica over the summer. Another girl I knew in college worked on a floating cruise-ship-turned-hospital for ten months off the coast of Africa. And then there's us. We have two toddlers and sometimes feel like we are barely treading water.  Some days when I've heard my name yelled one time too many, I get grouchy instead of having a patient heart. At times I am hateful to Brandon about something completely petty that doesn't matter at all because my day at work was awful. But we apologize, hug, and remember to cherish each other because we know at the end of the day, we love each other no matter what. 

I've been struggling with myself, feeling that maybe we aren't doing "enough". But what really is enough?  I know we can't do anything on our own, and this is all God working through us. I'm sure I probably beat myself up too much. We were just thrown into this, so we never even had a chance to talk about anything!  Everyday I have thoughts like, "was that punishment too harsh?"  "Maybe I need to just show them more love."  "Why do they randomly become sad and how do I make them happy again?"  Unfortunately, I don't have good answers for any of these questions. Sometimes they ask me questions that I cannot easily answer. I think both Brandon and I are taking each day at a time and are hoping that what we are doing is sufficient to show these children Christ's love.  

Tonight Laiken called me her "mommy". Not accidentally, but intentionally. I know this because she's always prefaced things with "let's pretend ok?"  This time was different. She was so sweet when she said, "You're my new mommy and I'm your daughter, right?"  "Sure sweet girl, you can call me whatever you want."  My heart melted. Of course I'll be your mom. Count on me to protect you, giggle in the mornings, play dress up, and paint your nails daily. Will my new name stay? Who knows.  Kids are kids and I may be "Aunt Kira" again in the morning. Or maybe not. Regardless, I loved hearing her say it all night long.  It was just kind of confirmation that we are doing something bigger than just being a fun vacation for these cute babes. We are hopefully impacting their lives forever. I wouldn't mind to keep them forever either. Time will tell, and until then, I'll just soak up every minute we have with them. 

A few family photos from recent outings:

1st lake trip

Knocked. Out. 

This pretty girl got married!

Bridesmaids. Love these ladies!

Wedding selfies before the ceremony. 

Me and the gorgeous bride!

She's a rock star. 

More pool time!  

New haircut!

Whaaaaat a pink poodle sighting!!

"Look I dressed myself this morning!"  

Father's Day fun!

Cuddle time!

Oh hey, let's add to the chaos and announce that I'm apparently Laiken's head cheer coach. So if you see me out and I look frazzled or forget to call you back, just be patient. I promise I love you and want to hear all about your life!  I'm just doing good to remember to feed the dogs.  Brandon has taken on the daunting task of trying to fix the motor home that my parents gave us. We've already got a campsite up on Norris Lake, so he's determined to get it going and take the kids to camp in the next few weeks. They're dying to try it out and I know dad would love to come visit.  So hey, we just keep adding projects to our lives, because it's what we do!  Until next time, we'll just be tinkering with all of our junk and practicing "Bang, bang, choo choo train" everywhere we go. 

It's obvious they have my heart, so let's just keep it this way. They've changed our lives forever, and I hope we can be their forever family. Love them so much. ❤️❤️❤️

Marriage: Year Two

I cannot believe that I married my best friend two years ago today. As I look back, I remember how stressed I was up until the day of, but then how relaxed I was on our special day. I remember that my daddy was too sick to attend, and I had to break the news to everyone via text that morning because I was too upset to even mention it. I had prayed and prayed the weather would be gorgeous, and it was perfect.  Then, the special moment came where I got to see Brandon before the ceremony. I'll never forget that big smile that beamed on his face. It was a very special and magical day that we shared before God and our closest friends and family.  A few pics from June 9th, 2012. 

Us with our beautiful flower girls, Emma and Bella. 

Our entire wedding party. Friends are such a blessing, and we have lots of 'em!

Jared reading my sweet daddy's letter to us. I'll post it one of these days, but even thinking about that letter makes me cry. 

Caaaaake!!

After the wedding with my daddy. Just a few short hours later, he had emergency gall bladder surgery. Thankfully, he is much better now. 

Love him. 

Fast forward to now. We've been married two years, moved once, added another pup to the mix, and in the last two months, we've added two toddlers to our house. I'm not quite sure either of us expected to have two children under the age of five when we were 26 years old.  Some days I wake up and think, "what in the world are we doing with our lives?"  This isn't quite something we even really discussed doing before the actual day we took the kids into our home. I'm going to be honest. I miss the days of just us being able to spend time together. We still get alone time, but those days or even evenings are few and far between. 

Let me tell you what I have noticed though.  Brandon loves these kids so much. He's always willing to play with them, do puzzles, or even just snuggle and watch a movie. (More than likely it's Frozen, which he's seen 28464 times and is still willing to watch it.). This man that I am blessed to call my husband voluntarily took in two children we barely knew because they needed to be loved on. We've become a cute little family over the last two months. Are we perfect?  Of course not. But we are blessed. I know we are following God's will for our lives and he has answered every prayer about these kids. 

Here's another secret:  I'm afraid we will have to send them home. I can't get into details, but of course their parents want them back. My besties know I've been struggling over this for a few weeks.  I'm terrified that I won't be able to be there to protect them, hold their hand at the dentist, or tickle them before bedtime.  Know what else I've learned?  God has a plan. There's a reason we have these children in our lives right now. It may not be clear what the reason is, but we have to focus on the task at hand. It's not my job to fret over the future, but to just hold fast to the fact that God is in control.  So for however long we have these babies, whether it's a few short months or much longer, we are committed to taking care of them and showing them the love of Jesus. 

So here's to many, many more crazy years of marriage with my best friend. He's always been able to make me laugh and knows when to just let me cry it out after a long, hard day. I am so so blessed to be married to my sweet man, Brandon Lawson. 

At Lindsey and Josh's rehearsal dinner. 

Lindsey and Josh's wedding!

I am lucky enough to call him my husband. I love you, Mr. Lawson!